dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
