i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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