You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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