it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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