Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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