When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize