Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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