thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You're my little dorito
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
