I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
