i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
