His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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