Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
