Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
