you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
