Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
