hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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