I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
