Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
