So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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