Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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