i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
