So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
