I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
