...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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