i already hear my dad disowning me
the condom got lost in my hair
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
