why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
