remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
