end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
are you so shy because you have an std?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
