I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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