I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
