Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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