is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
