I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
