ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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