I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
