You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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