I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
