Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
