I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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