You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
