God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
