i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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