he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize