please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
