I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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