fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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