If that was your dad, he is hot
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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