just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
