I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize