You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
