you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
