I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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