Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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