woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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