Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
