I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize