doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
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