I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
