Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
