I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
