Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize