Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
